I Love You Facebook

When I think about my life, I divide it into two parts, the one before Facebook and the one after. Ever since I joined the great social network, that was three years ago by the way, it has greatly enriched my life.

Facebook showed me my true social worth. I used to think that I was a boring, anti-social, useless moron who was loved by no one. But Facebook proved me wrong. I was showered with love from hundreds of people, most of them I had not met ever. That’s not all. These so-called friends were interested in everything that I said. They would ‘like’ my statuses, comment on them and sometimes shared them too. They would also like my photos and posted comments like cool, handsome, awesome, superb, brilliant on every goddamn picture. They even wished me on my birthdays without fail. I felt like a rock-star who was chased by paparazzi, only that there was no chase.

Facebook also introduced me to the divine act of ‘contemplation’, the same thing which gave Buddha the nirvana. Due to Facebook, I started indulging in contemplation while brushing my teeth, commuting, in lectures and so on… If I was walking, my contemplation would generally be like this: “Walking is a bliss. It keeps my mind fresh. I so enjoy walking. How about I put this as my status when I reach home?” Or while cutting the cake on my birthday: “This was one of the most memorable birthdays of my life. Thank you everyone who made it special for me.”

Everyone is a narcissist deep down their heart and I am not an exception. Facebook gave me a space to keep the Narcissus in me alive and kicking by letting me upload photoshopped pictures of myself in different poses, and letting me boast about my latest possessions or the vacation I had. The bonus was, no one really called me a narcissist.

Facebook gave me the chance to become an intellectual, irrespective of being one. What I really had to do was to just borrow some cool, intellectual quotes from people like Einstein, Mark Twain or Winston Churchill and put them as my statuses. I once posted, “People disparage knowing and the intellectual life, and urge doing. I am content with knowing, if only I could know.” I got 25 likes for this, though I did not really know what it meant.

When I think about my future, I know I am going to make it big in life. That means I will have to write an autobiography. But thank God, Facebook has saved me from that torture of toiling for hours remembering all the important events in my life. All I have to do is to go to ‘Facebook Timeline’ and find and compile all the interesting nuggets about my life. Here is an example: “June 20, 2010: Today I understood the fallacy of love. Love is just an illusion. I don’t regret that I broke with her!”

Such is the contribution of Facebook to my life. I feel so indebted to Facebook for all of this. If I am on death-bed and have to write a thank-you note, Facebook will top the list.


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